"Tis" is mentally insane my fellow. The fact that you would even suggest such a thing would be treason against the king. As I rest from daily commute, I ponder why this mysterious man would say "tis". It is utterly and completely insane and my fellow shall be put is a mental institution for the rest of his days. Now, you see, this man has got to be crazy, or, mind my impoliteness, hysterical. I shall buy him a new pair of tros and tea bags. For thine has little time to enjoy these gifts I am to give him.